My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
