She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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