a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
