Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
