Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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