It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
