Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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