i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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