John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
