I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
