literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize