I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
