he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
