i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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