i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
