The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
