He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
