My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
