if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
