i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize