I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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