I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize