My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We had to coat check the pizza.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
