Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
