Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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