The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
