Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
