I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
