your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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