If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
