so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
