Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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