I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
