All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
