Pants 0. Shit 1.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
