i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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