took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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