Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize