Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize