You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
