I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
