found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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