i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
