I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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