So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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