Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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