If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
