What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize