She's JV to your varsity
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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