I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
