Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't turn off my feet"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
