it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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