I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
