and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
