evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize