We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
