Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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