two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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