I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
