Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize