I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
