Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize