Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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