More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
