There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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