You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
