Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
