You work out of a Hotel?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
