Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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