i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
