the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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