U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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